By Ashley Blair, member of the Community Partnership Group,

Ashley is a member of CLASP’s Community Partnership Group (CPG) and VOICE (Victory Over Injustice Creates Equality). In this final installment of her CPG blog series, she embodies the work of VOICE by uplifting the voices of people who have lived experience of using SNAP, WIC, and other public benefits programs. Read her first blog here and her second blog here.

For many mothers and fathers, becoming a parent is an incredibly rewarding journey. From hearing the child’s heartbeat for the first time to hearing their first cry, parenthood is a beautiful experience. Many people dream of the day they become parents and place all the love they have inside of them into this tiny human. 

While much about parenthood is wonderful and loving, it can also cause financial and mental hardships, even affecting education and career choices that could place parents in a better financial position. As a mother of two, I can attest to how my financial focus has shifted to my children’s needs, and how I’ve given things up because of those needs. While this is my experience, I’ve gathered the lived experiences from three mothers and one father who candidly shared how parenthood, while a beautiful experience, comes with its challenges.

A 33-year-old mother of three from Memphis shares how becoming a parent has affected her financially and in her career. When I ask how her financial situation changed after having children, she replies that it “changed quite a bit. I’ve had to budget and make it a priority to only get what my children need, which is still at times difficult. My babies could only drink Gerber Good Start formula, which was not on the WIC list at the time, so I had to pay out of pocket for it.” She also remembers how she has had to, and still must, sacrifice her own needs. For example, she left the workforce to become a full-time student in order to graduate sooner in hopes of getting a better-paying position to support her children. This mother credits her faith in Jesus Christ for sustaining her and her family on the days she feels overwhelmed or mentally drained. 

At the end of our conversation, I ask how she thinks societal or governmental support could be improved for parents. She responds, “I would have to say, increase wages to help us parents stay afloat with our bills and afford our children’s needs. That way it doesn’t feel like we have to choose between two important needs, whether paying rent to keep a roof over our family’s head, paying for medications, keeping lights on, and having enough food.” 

“As long as I can remember, I’ve had to work two to three jobs to ensure my children had everything they needed. I believe that it’s just what has to be done. You just have to do what you have to do.”

The lived experience of a 69-year-old mother of two who also lives in Memphis shows how much hasn’t changed in regard to parenthood as an entry point into poverty. “As long as I can remember, I’ve had to work two to three jobs to ensure my children had everything they needed. I believe that it’s just what has to be done. You just have to do what you have to do.” Eventually, she was able to become a manager at one of the top logistics companies in Memphis, a job she kept until she retired. While she doesn’t regret her choices, when this mother looks back over her life, she knows there had to be and should be a better way. Raised during the Civil Rights movement, this woman had experienced many injustices in her childhood that led to poverty and worked hard to ensure her children did not have to continue that cycle. “Breaking generational cycles,” she says about that achievement. “If I have to sacrifice my needs for my children, so be it,” she adds passionately. This mother is adamant about change and would like to see parents enjoying their children more and not being stuck at work to make ends meet. “The policies have gotten a little better, but there is still much work to be done,” she tells me. “I would like to see policies shaped by people who have actually been in these conditions. It will create more opportunities for parents to get ahead.”

A 36-year-old father of two from Nashville absolutely adores his children. He speaks so highly of them, and beams with joy at just the mention of their names. He is and has always been present to help his wife and children and would not trade this life for the world. After his first child was born, he recalls having to work a second job for two years just to take care of additional expenses like clothes, formula, and diapers. “After that second year, my wife and I had our second child and could no longer occupy the space of a one-bedroom loft, so we purchased a home which, as you can imagine, brought … unexpected expenses.” Through this transition, he had to be very diligent about spending habits to ensure he could provide for his family. “As a traveling musician, it is not always easy to accept a gig. I have to be intentional with work and schedule choices to stay present in my home. I’ve also had to gain better financial literacy to set up a future for my children’s interest and future finances.” Contrary to popular belief, even two-parent households can face financial and career hardships. 

A 35-year-old mother of one child from Birmingham, AL, became overcome with emotion recounting the events that led to her giving up her dream career. “Before I had my daughter, I was chasing my dream of living in Los Angeles and becoming a film producer. I had already completed my college degree and was fully committed to building that life for myself. But right before I became a mother—and without financial support from her family—the reality of trying to survive in Los Angeles became overwhelming.” With tears streaming down her face, she recounted what her life could have been and the version of herself that she once imagined. In addition to grieving her long-held dream, becoming a mother has kept her from excelling in her current career. This mother now has to prioritize flexibility over rapid career growth. “I’ve had to think not just about what would advance my career, but what realistically allows me to be present and available for my child.” When I ask how she thinks societal or government support could be improved for parents, she raises some valuable points. “The eligibility requirements for assistance programs like food benefits should better reflect the real cost of living. Many parents earn just enough to disqualify them from programs like SNAP, but not enough to comfortably afford rent, groceries, child care, utilities, and health care.” Being a parent who falls into that “in-between” income bracket has caused her to face challenges when accessing resources like SNAP, and she feels that tiered support levels would help prevent families from constantly living paycheck to paycheck. 

Something I noticed that all these lived experiences have in common is the love the parents have for their children! Their willingness to sacrifice their dreams and to go without so their children can have a better life speaks volumes. Even in the midst of teetering on the edge of, or falling into, poverty as defined by the government, these women and men are putting their children first.Being a parent is no small feat. Being responsible for a helpless little human being is an amazing gift, but the world we live in makes it a little difficult to survive with children. There may be many programs to help mothers specifically gain access to resources for their children, but often men do not have that same access. Parents are parents and resources should be accessible to all. I pray these testimonies give light to the hardships people face when entering parenthood and how they can put a strain on finances, emotional well-being, and career opportunities. I personally believe this can be overcome by uplifting the voices of the parents who have lived in or close to poverty so that the government can understand what is actually going on in communities around the country. There is strength in our voice!